Sunday, November 10, 2013

Worth

I was reading through some silly wives tales the other day as I began planning our gender reveal/Corey's MSA graduation party for our family. One tale revolves around increased moodiness. I asked Corey to be honest in answering if I was more moody (poor guy!)...he hesitantly said yes. Of course I am, there's a human growing in me and my hormones are surging ;) We'll see if those wives tales hold any truth to them next month!

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I am not used to feeling so emotional out of control. I am not crying often, but I am letting ordinary situations upset me more, and at times, I let fear creep in. I find myself waking up in the middle of night for an hour or so to process what my heart is feeling and my head is trying to ignore. Such was a few nights ago, when I started this post...as Corey snored away.

I guess the "out of control" feelings can be scary, but also wonderfully awesome as well. Lately, they've been circling back to the topic of worth.  Years ago (because I'm so old now), I use to find worth in pleasing people. Then I grew into a healthier me and found my worth in my performance. Such an improvement right?

Thankfully the Lord hasn't given up on me, and he continues to mold me into what he had planned for me from the beginning. What I know now, despite the persistence of those former lies, is that my worth comes from being a dearly loved child of God.

As I transition into what motherhood looks like for me, though, I am weary that I will allow my worth to be found in my successes and failures as a parent. Granted, my identity will be transformed into being a mom, which I'm freakin' excited about, but I don't want my new life as a mom to determine my value.

I am expecting it will be hard. I will be reminded of my humanness. And I will fail.

But despite the reality of parenthood, I want to my child to see their mom rejoicing in everything life brings us, living life with the gratitude and confidence that her importance comes from the One who provides undeserving love, power, and hope!

I am obviously just mulling over what motherhood feels like as our pumpkin grows but is not here yet. But I am eager to see how this journey will be difficult...and oh so worth it.

And as a dearly loved child of God, I know He's always got my back.

1 comments:

Leah Bradley said...

:) You will be an amazing mother.
There is no doubt in my mind that you'll raise a lovely family because you have your home centered and focused on what's important in life. <3

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