Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Monitoring & Peace

Sharing our story has caused relief, than an oh-my-what-did-I-just-share period, and then again comfort when others reach out in support or share that they (or their friends) have found encouragement in our story.

I've had some of my lowest days in the past two weeks, but God continues to lift me up through the words and actions of others. Time itself is healing. And the numbers. The numbers help a lot right now.

Every week  (and then monthly) I have to get my blood drawn to make sure my HCG levels have gone down. They are monitoring the levels to ensure the molar tissue does not turn cancerous. There is a very low chance that it actually would. But boy, seeing the decline remains refreshing and comforting. I will be monitored for 6ish months, but I am trying to focus on God's sovereignty rather than perseverating on next week's numbers. 

When we first started this journey, everything was unfamiliar, unknown and overwhelming. But each week I feel more hopeful. Since the beginning of the pregnancy, I've felt the Lord's presence which is the most peaceful feeling of all. When I finally surrendered all the fear from last week I felt an incomprehensible peace that can only be attributed as coming from the Lord. He is worthy to be trusted.

This past weekend Corey and I had a long overdue date night, then there was lots of playing outside, church, apple cider drinking, small group and relaxing in the incredible weather. It was a weekend of normalcy. A weekend of excitement for others. A weekend that helped reframe my thoughts. There are still so many things that I am incredibly grateful for from being able to watch Will play with neighbors to the cool breeze entering our living room window at night. And although I know it is important to embrace the grief, I am eager to keep moving forward...while acknowledging that there are others enduring much more difficult circumstances.  

There is still uncertainty of course, but I have clearly seen God answer our prayers. God has continually provided support through friends and family. He has reminded me of His goodness in such tangible ways. We constantly are in awe of the love we've felt, and we continually praise God for each of you.

Being human, I know I'll have more low moments or days, but the joy is returning more frequently as I start feeling more like myself again. The grief comes in waves, but instead of overwhelming billows, they are a rippling that I hop over. I pray it stays this way :)

Whatever our future holds, we will continue to thank the Lord for his provision and blessings. We thank Him for our salvation, that is what matters most, despite our circumstances. We will continue to exclaim, "I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise will continually be on my lips" Psalm 34:1

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